Two names you go by:
- Mr. Smooth
- Mr. Fantastic
- Robust air of authority
- No scrubs
- No abrasive cleansers
- Tell people they're majestic.
- Pointing at myself in the mirror and saying "who's that guy?"
- To somehow capture the leprechan so I can have his pot-o-gold
without having him make that "so do you have any Irish in you?" joke.
- Lots of counterfeit money labeled "counterfeit" because I so love irony.
- My imaginary dragon friend. His name is Teri. I don't like that
name but it wasn't really my decision.
- My pet rock that looks like Steven Tyler. His name is also Teri,
which is confusing.
- Didn't get any.
- Made up for my inadequacies by boasting about my fancy hat.
- My pride.
- The law.
- The same thing I do every night ... try to start a fire with my mind.
- Get a lighter after 17 minutes of abject failure.
- After I broke up with Alanis Morsette
- Going home from work after finding out she was rich.