Efforts to understand, improve, or do less harm to the world around me.


Friday, January 08, 2010

Why you should flirt (part two)

[For a little background, read part one]

Becoming more aggressive or more receptive to aggressors for dating is a complex process. You may spend hours everyday on your appearance, learn to juggle and sing at the same time, or wander around looking thoughtful and poetic. Different receptive approaches will of course draw different types of people. These receptive positions exist for both parties: you must look for either invitations or people to invite in places that loosely draw a personality type you want to be around.

Thus, step one is meeting in the middle. Although you may get lucky and meet your soul mate at the top of Mount Fuji like in that dream that one time, the tendency is for people to date within their sphere: if you are a cop and only hang out with other cops, you're more likely to date a cop. Conversely, if your friends are all drug dealers, the chances are you're going to go out with someone who deals drugs. Meeting in situations or places that you enjoy or advocate is a good way to find people who share your interest. This is not a certainty as meeting people in a laundromat may not indicate that your future partner enjoys being clean.

The format is simple: if you love music, you will likely be more attracted to musicians. If a musician you're interested in likes knitting and you're the chair of a local knitting group, you're both right on track. You'll want to go to shows where musicians play and he'll want to haunt local yarn stores. Which of course means he's a pervert.

Next is the gradual movement towards one another. However, although people try to meet somewhere in the middle in terms of interest, the tendency is for there to be an aggressor and a target. With many notable exceptions, no matter how much interest a girl shows in a guy, it seems the guy has to ask her out. Despite this and despite whoever the target is, its critical that -- no matter how attractive -- the target must not be passive. Waiting until only the most aggressive people ask for your number excludes all possibilities but the most confident, who may be douchebags or just plain crazy.

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