Efforts to understand, improve, or do less harm to the world around me.


Tuesday, September 02, 2014

My rules for online dating (part 1)

This is a system I've come up with over time.  I say this because this post isn't a general prescription for how people should date, but rather a way that seems to work.  Since dating is primarily about finding someone that works uniquely for you, developing a system for yourself might make more sense.

Before you begin, it's important to be okay with yourself.  Maybe this sounds obvious but it's something I seem to run into quite a bit.  While I will occasionally have a crap week and get into a funk, I realize that's a time to work on myself and put off dating.  If a grandma whom you were very close to passed recently, maybe take a longer break.


Generally people will tell you who they are.  It's not psychological or even a science, it's just most people like talking about themselves and will say things according to that.  Great example: someone writing a list like this is analytical.  Someone who talks about how they hate liars/cheaters has a history with liars/cheaters.  The main thing is to identify an overall narrative (I'm happy/sad/lost/lonely) and see if that's something you can handle.  Some examples:

- The Fixit Thing.  A main thing I look out for with women I've met online are those girls who are looking for a guy to fix them in some capacity.  I always picture it as these women having friends who don't really want to address some serious, core issues and just say "oh you just need a boyfriend!"  It's a terrible idea.

- Balanced self-esteem.  I try hard to avoid a general narrative of either self-loathing or arrogance.  Anyone who constantly tells you how great they are or how bad they are at everything has something going on.  Nobody's good at everything and nobody's bad at everything.  Anyone who says otherwise is delusional.

Next: Part 2

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