Efforts to understand, improve, or do less harm to the world around me.


Thursday, September 04, 2014

My rules for online dating (part 2)


Try to talk on the phone with them.  That's usually a pretty good indicator of whether or not you'll get along at a very minimum level.  There's been this move to text messaging people only before meeting and I get that it's to get an up or down yes/no on whether or not you have chemistry, but it's limiting.  Phone calls give a bit more color.  Further, if the phone call is for some reason god-awful, it's possible to just put off the date thing at some unspecified time in the future and just leave it at that.

Regardless of a phone call, the first time you actually get together should be short.  I'd avoid even calling it a date and go to something informal like a coffee shop or one of those serve-yourself places.  I recommend women pay for your own food/drink in this situation to avoid any sense that it's a real date.  I know that might sound silly but when you barely know someone, even small indicators can say a lot.

Next, have some kind of reason to leave or limit on the amount of time you're together.  If you want to keep things smooth, I'd aim for 1-2 hours.  If you have a good feeling about the person, maybe go 3-4.

Finally, you'll essentially decide if you want to hang out again.  Keep your conclusions limited to just that; don't jump onboard with something until you have more information.  I say this because I've been on at least 10 very good dates that had poor or really bad second dates.  I've also had first dates that went just okay but the 2nd and 3rd went well.  The main thing is finding out if you dislike or can't get along with this person.  Some examples:
  • One initial date I had a lengthy explanation of a very difficult day from this woman who clearly didn't like her job.  She thankfully sensed early on it wasn't working and excused herself as we clearly weren't a good match.
  • One initial date with a woman went awkwardly, but by the 3rd date I knew I'd met someone great.  We dated for about a month before breaking things off.
  • Maybe the worst date I ever went on was this woman going on and on about these terrible situations she was dealing with in her life.  She clearly had some kind of emotional issue because things were persistently awful and she seemed to have no awareness of this.  It was a shame too as she was clearly brilliant, just missing a basic emotional foundation.
Next: Part 3

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