A step past satire

None of the other responses to the mass-shooting in Orlando sounded like anything I hadn't heard 20x before so it was nice to hear Samatha Bee say something new.

The truth hurts

• Vitamin drinks may not be good for you.
• Engagements and diamond rings are a fake tradition that should go away

Edit: One more:

•  Expensive wine is for suckers

Youtube - best of the best

I guess it makes sense to post my favorite video from my favorite Youtube channel ... Every Frame a Painting: How to Structure a Video Essay

What it's like to work at Wal-Mart

A fascinating insight on ugliness at Wal-Mart, which explains a lot about what I've seen in my brief time in their stores from a general lack of cleanliness and order to general lack of engagement by most employees.

How to be friendly with coffee shop workers

Over time, I've spent a lot of time in coffee shops and have learned a lot about existing in that environment.  What follows is a loose guide to connecting with people in that environment but, to some extent, this is also a guide to being friends with people.  The short version?  Minimize annoyances.

Initial

• Feel free to try talking to coffee employees.  Making coffee gets boring and opportunities to interface with others is usually welcome.
• Familiarity breeds trust so being present at roughly the same time of day/week can help.
• If necessary to create a bridge, tell SHORT jokes.  I wouldn't lean on that as it can be a little off-putting.
• Learn names.

Walk away

• Pay attention to body language - for example, if they're not looking at you for more than 5 seconds, might be time to walk away.
• Verbal cues are also important.  For example, it's okay to ask "how are you?" but if you get a flat, non-committal answer, maybe move along.
• Don't try talking to employees when there's a line, when someone looks like they might be walking up to order, or when they seem stressed out / annoyed.
• If one of the employees continually avoids you or doesn't say much to you, make sure you give them plenty of space.  I've had some folks who just don't want to talk to me and that's okay.

Avoid

• Asking about tattoos or piercings, unless it's new.  The only way to bring this up is after having known the individual.  Expect the topic has been beaten to death for this person.
• Talking about the weather and traffic.  They affect everyone but they also bore everyone.  These topics have been exhausted.
• Reading name tags.  Ideally, you should ask their name.
• Asking out employees unless you feel comfortable they are single and interested.  Coffee employees tend to flirt with customers for tips, so you'll have to filter that behavior out as the best you can.  Strange as it sounds, I've only ever heard of Baristas asking out with customers, not the other way around.

Ordering

• Ideally order drinks that are easy to make.  If you ask for something a little harder, try to be gracious about it.  Try to order the same thing or from a short list.  Trust me that for some coffee shop employees, you will always be the "double decaf caramel" guy/gal and that's okay.
• It goes without saying but you should always tip.  I try to aim for in the $1 range.  Eventually you will start getting discounts on drinks, but this never *really* pays for itself.
• Feel free to tell someone if they made the drink and it was especially good.

Hanging out

• Busing tables (cleaning) a little bit can help.  Dishes are usually the most boring part of the job so you can endear yourself by making their jobs easier.
• Other (very minor) maintenance tasks also help like cleaning up your own mess and fixing something that's broken.

Rules for online dating (addendum): The First Meeting

A few more to add to my online dating series:

Initial meeting preparation tricks

• Call everyone via a forwarding number (for example Google Voice) so you can either dispose of the number or use blocking features usually available with such services.
• Where to meet?  I aim for a location that's halfway between myself and my date where there's a Plan B in case it's obviously not going well (so it wasn't a wasted drive).  I frequently go to a coffee place that's next to a store I really like.  However, it's important to make sure you meet somewhere you don't usually go so there's no chance you'll meet again accidentally.
• If your date puts off meeting more than once (or is otherwise flaky), request meeting somewhere really convenient for you.

The Elaine Stritch interruption incident

I love this old Letterman bit.  I was always impressed by her work on 30 Rock but I found her performance wonderfully unexpected and strange.

How to go to outdoor shows - Part 4: Encouraging Good Vibes

Fourth in my series on going to outdoor shows.  Back to Part 3: Bad Vibes.

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Charity 

This is a big one: it's always improved my night immensely if I can help someone out.  So for example, if you see someone looking for something, ask if you can help look for it.  Or someone who looks really, really tired, ask if they need help or water.  Heck, just giving a few bucks to a homeless person or being polite with the ticket person can go a really long way.

My best nights have always included a little kindness.


Drinking/Chemicals

If you go down this road, you probably know the standard precautions (watch your drink, don't accept anything from someone you don't know personally) but my track on this is to make sure you have -- not just a designated driver -- but a reliable sober person local and available.

If you don't have this, keep anything in this space limited to early and low key.  I know these are important to having a good time for many, so they've got to be managed.  Many situations have been created/exacerbated by chemicals, so I've started to treat them like a ticking bomb.


Going alone

More than ever before I've been going to events by myself which has meant more precautions, writing down or memorizing a few numbers in case I lose my phone, and making sure someone knows where I'm at.

Back to the beginning: Part 1: Possessions

The Donald Drumpf

John Oliver's majestic, probably overdue teardown of the current phenomenon that is (what looks like) the US Republican nominee for President.  Having followed many of the topics covered over the course of the last few months, it's nice to see them packaged as a broad counter-argument to the candidacy.

Alternatively, there is a synopsis in case you don't feel like watching the whole video.

The related website is also amusing.

Related: Conservatism in this decade

How to go to outdoor shows - Part 3: Bad Vibes

Second in my series on going to outdoor shows.  Back to Part 2: Dress.

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I actually take some time before shows now to mentally prepare for something bad to happen.  I know that sounds awful but it can EASILY ruin my night otherwise.  I take time to realize patrons, promoters, cops, and other groups may be unnecessarily mean to you for no reason.  I've been to so many shows with hijinks that at this stage it's almost expected.

If possible, try to take down names/descriptions as the folks running events (and owners) are *really* conscious of personnel and bartenders chasing away customers.  Still, just get out of the situation.  Nothing good has ever come from alcohol soaked, short tempered, making-up-for-something jerks.  It's not just standard douchebags either: I've had both promoters and police talk to me out of absolutely nowhere like I was 8 kinds of stupid.

Assorted Dangers

• Police: keep it calm, keep it polite, use "Sir".  At least where I live I do this "super sober" technique where I'm short, clear, direct, and straightforward.  Other places you'll want to always smile and pretend you don't fully understand (the warm foreigner tactic).

• Drunk Frat Kids: You may easily get pushed or otherwise accosted by someone trying to assert their manhood.  Some of these guys are actively looking for fights so you just have to look tired, drunk, or sick to avoid interactions.  You might point this out to someone who works at the club "hey that guy in the red shirt is going to get into a fight before the night is over" but I'd leave it at that and try to stay outside of his area.

• Security/Bouncers: I've met a few of these.  Realize that they deal with the above group (Drunk Frat Kids) and are basically being asked to manage a huge group with no real authority.  They are 90% attitude because -- in this world -- they are all afraid of a lawsuit.  I am always assuring them I'm not someone they need to worry about and leaving the situation as calmly and quietly as possible.  Yes sure absolutely sorry are pretty much the only words they can discern.  Your very reasonable, obvious questions probably aren't welcome here.

Next: Part 4: Encouraging Good Vibes

How to go to outdoor shows - Part 2: Dress

Second in my series on going to outdoor shows.  Back to Part 1: Possessions.

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First and foremost, dress in layers.  Your base layer should be as light as possible so you can be in an unusually hot area and have a good time as easily as if you're in a cold one.

Torso

Depending on the climate, you'll want one or more long sleeve items that are fairly light and maybe just a little longer than your arms.  Then, you can then tie or double-tie these around your waist without any fear of losing it.  Needless to say, the top layer should be some kind of rain covering and include a hood.

I'd look for something low-key and dismiss-able in a rain cover, just in case you need to leave a volatile situation, but visible enough that cars can see you.

Head

I take a plain, dark-colored baseball cap just because it helps keep the rain out of my eyes and I can use it to look inconspicuous.  A velcro backing means you can loop it around your belt.

You can also lose your outer layer and hat if things go REALLY bad (see "Bad Vibes" section) and you need to -- not just leave a situation -- but look like someone else.  If you're in the city, I like acting like a jogger, running in place and checking my pulse.  Note that I've only ever had to do this once as a precaution.

Legs

I'm a guy so I always wear pants but whatever you do, wear something loose fitting with good sized pockets, and with some kind of belt.  As with the jacket, something low-key is recommended to blend in.  If it's something you can lift up above your ankles to let it breathe, that's an additional benefit.

Shoes

This is a tough one because I like waterproof shoes because they promise your night won't get ruined by stepping in a puddle or when someone spills something on you, but they tend to not breathe well, which is bad for long walks and dancing.  It's a toss up.

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Continue to Part 3: Bad Vibes

How to be a technical writer

I ended up writing a primer (5 pages, Microsoft Word format) for a friend who requested a breakdown on the profession.  Maybe someone will find it useful.

Conservatism in this decade

The first article I've read in quite some time that takes aim at a disaffected political Right.  While it could just as easily be rewritten as a critique of the Left's blindspots, such is the value of a good political narrative.

Show background: Arrested Development

After about 100 recommendations to watch the series, I finally got around to checking it out and was not disappointed.  An excellent behind the scenes bit gives some analysis as to why the show hit so many home runs.